Callie (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
calliope_love) wrote2010-08-23 12:44 pm
calliope_love) wrote2010-08-23 12:44 pm
Entry tags:
001: First fic. ._.
Title: Ought To Do
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Why are you looking at me? I just like to play with them.
Summary: My first fic since I was a wee preteen, many many years ago. I have a tendency to work out relationship timelines in my head when we aren't given the details in canon -- this is an exploration of that. Unbeta'd.
Length: About 2,200 words. Which...I was not expecting when I sat down to write this. Whoopsie.
They aren’t yet lovers when Liam is finally able to leave the Rainsworth household. Liam is still too young, and Break is still too angry, though he’s made rather a lot of progress over the past few years. It’s been ages since the last time they found him staring blankly at nothing, and he doesn’t hesitate before he smiles anymore. He even laughs from time to time, and not just to be sarcastic. Sharon’s presence seems to be doing a lot to steady him. Although he’s lashed out at Liam a few times, Liam is always with him when he’s with the little girl, and he’s never, ever hurt her. If anything, he's probably putting more effort into being gentle with Sharon than he is in being gentle with himself.
Liam still wonders what he was like before they found him in front of the gate, still sees the blood on his face in his dreams sometimes. Safely ensconced in his room at Barma’s mansion once more, Liam finds that he actually misses Xerxes Break, more than he misses Sharon, and that he spends a lot of time wondering how he’s doing. Somehow the biggest loss is knowing that Break will still be making progress, still be getting better, and Liam isn’t going to be there to watch.
These feelings are cut short some months later when he is offered a job at Pandora and runs across Break during the tour. Break has cut his hair and actually looks like he’s almost thirty now; before he’d just looked agelessly lost, like he’d been drifting so long time itself had no idea what to do about him. He’s carrying a canesword that Liam is absolutely sure he knows how to use, and he must have been pursuing employment himself before Liam even left and somehow Liam had no idea. But Break seems honestly pleased to see him, and as time goes on he gets peskier and peskier, and Liam finds that he starts to fret just a bit whenever it’s been a few days since he’s popped out of any nearby cabinets.
They aren’t yet lovers when Rufus Barma reveals Break’s past — in a suitably dramatic way, of course, given that it’s Barma. They’ve messed around once or twice, when Liam was still learning how much wine he could handle, but they’re friends, friends, not lovers; and suddenly Liam is holding this vulnerable, broken friend of his in his arms and this friend has murdered over a hundred people. Trembling, he leaves Break in Oz’s care while he tends to his own wound. He has to keep starting over because his hands are shaking so badly. The feeling of Break pushing him away so he could meet Barma head on is as clear as the memory of being pushed away when he tried to stop a younger Break from scratching at his empty eye socket, and he thinks giddily that it’s no wonder Break was so angry when he appeared, if he was the sort of person who could slaughter so many strangers. He imagines members of Pandora fighting against Break, imagines how many of his acquaintances they would lose in the attempt, imagines himself writing the report on his death.
He returns to the auditorium of the theater feeling confused and helpless and unsure what to think and finds that Break is awake. The other man sees the bandages and for a split second has the nerve to let his concern show on his face. During that second Liam decides that this is something too big to reconcile in one night, and he shoves his coat at Break, who accepts it solemnly.
Liam hovers in the background during the ensuing discussion, because the background is where he’s most comfortable, and he listens, and he thinks, and just before Oz and his company leave Break catches him in passing and says he’ll tell him the rest later on. Because there’s more, of course, there’s always more with Xerxes Break; and that night Liam's fretting is constantly interrupted by the image of Break practically swimming in his coat. Break only ever pouted at Liam for growing so tall once or twice, and it’s been so easy to forget.
They aren’t yet lovers when Break returns from Sabrie slung across Gilbert Nightray’s shoulder.
But they are still friends. If anything they’re closer than they were before. Because in the end, Liam cannot help his affection for the man, regardless of the horrific insanity Break is obviously capable of. He doesn’t like what Break is capable of, and has said as much to him. But Liam isn’t naive enough to believe for an instant that there is no situation in which he himself would kill, and that makes things a bit different, doesn’t it? It keeps him up at night, sometimes, but Xerxes Break remains Xerxes Break.
And Liam worries, while his friend is laying there dead to the world for three days. The more he sees of Break’s worsening health, the more he realizes how much he’s going to miss him when he’s gone, how badly he wants more time, how important it is to him that Break accomplishes whatever it is he’s trying to accomplish even if he never finds out what that is. By the time Break does wake up, Liam is mostly calm, calm enough to hide his suspicions until he’s shuffled Oz and the others out —
“Mister Liam is all grown up now,” says Break.
— and then angry enough to yell at Break for being a moron when he tries to shrug off the help Liam offers, angry that after everything else, Break had still hoped to keep yet another secret from him. Because if there’s anything Liam is good at, it’s being reliable, and it makes him feel better to think of all the ways he can shoulder some of Break’s problems for him. It’s not just something he ought to do. It’s something he wants to do.
That’s assuming Break will let him.
He tries not to show how preoccupied he is with this new load on his plate — it helps when Oz sends him flying face-first into the ground, and when Sharon decides to scold Rufus Barma; gives him a few things to be more obviously flustered over — and quietly seethes for the rest of the day. The comment about being a grown-up particularly rankles. He’s been more or less an adult for the better part of a decade now; does Break think everyone younger than him is a child these days? The more he thinks on it, the more Liam decides that something needs to be done about it, and as soon as he’s finished his work that night, he heads back to Rainsworth.
It doesn’t occur to him until he’s right outside Break’s door that the other man might be asleep. He’s usually not, this time of night, but he’s also not usually resting after a three-day faint. His hesitation gives him time to be nervous, and he squashes the feeling down again, determined not to let Break throw him off his plans before he’s even in the same room. Liam considers knocking, but opts instead to be a just a little bit noisy about opening the door. If Break is awake he’ll hear it, but if not, it shouldn’t disturb him.
As it turns out, Break’s not in his bed at all; he’s out in the middle of the floor, probably already teaching himself not to walk into things he can’t see. His back is to the door, but he’s turned his head over his shoulder to look and is staring in the right direction. His one eye is not quite glaring, but it’s getting there.
“Good, you’re still up,” says Liam, because if nobody knows Break is blind nobody’s going to say “it’s me” when they walk in to disturb him and he may as well get used to it now.
“Back again?” asks Xerxes, relaxing as he recognizes his voice. “How sweet of you to visit the invalid. Twice in one day!”
“You’re not that bad yet,” Liam says scornfully, mostly because he doesn’t want Break to be that bad yet, and he lets the lock on the door clink loudly as he turns it. Break tilts his head curiously at the sound, and listens as Liam approaches. He’s able to look Liam directly in the face when he gets close, but he’s not prepared for Liam’s hand working its way into his hair and holding him in place for a kiss. He makes a small, brief sound of surprise, and Liam’s heart is pounding so hard his bones are starting to ache, because it has occurred to him that there are several ways that this could go completely wrong. But he also knows that Xerxes Break enjoys kisses as much as anyone, and that Break doesn’t mind having him physically close, not at all. Liam may have been drunk enough to be a bit stupid when they did this in the past, but never, ever enough to forget.
It’s a very nice kiss, and calming in its own way, but eventually Liam has to let them both get a bit of air. When he does, he mutters, “Grown-up indeed.”
“Is that what this is about?” Break asks, letting out a short laugh. “One little comment? Not that I mind, but —”
Liam pulls him close before he can shrug his actions off again, and he remembers holding him in the theater, the way Break looked wrapped up in his coat. He lets his cheek rest against Break’s hair and says, “This is because I want you trust me.” He’s not strong enough to pick Break up and toss him onto the bed, but he is strong enough to start pushing him in that direction. “I want you to let me help you. I want you to accept that you don’t have to deal with this alone.”
Break gives a pained smile, twining his arms around Liam’s neck as he’s shuffled across the room; he knows exactly where they’re heading. “You people keep saying these sorts of things. I don’t need you all to fuss over me so.”
“Xerxes.”
“I can handle it, Liam.”
“Stop it. Stop pushing us away. Nobody ever said you couldn’t handle it, that’s not the point.”
They’re at the bed. Liam’s getting frustrated already and his first impulse is to shove Break down, but instead he tips him back, gently, supporting his back with his hands until he’s safely settled. Break finds this amusing, apparently, because he chuckles to himself as Liam climbs on top of him, and reaches up to run his fingers over Liam's face.
“What’s so funny?” Liam wants to know, letting the other man explore him.
“You,” says Break. He tugs playfully at an earring when he runs across it. “I didn’t know Mister Liam was interested in this kind of thing, let alone with me. But I suppose he must; he’s human enough —”
“Are you listening at all?”
“I hear you,” Break says, his hands stilling at Liam’s collar. He’s frowning thoughtfully. The lone eye narrows.
“Do you not want me here?” asks Liam, pulling away. Immediately Break reaches up and yanks him back down for more kisses, thoroughly ridding the both of them of that notion; Liam pauses to put his glasses on the nightstand while Break returns to fiddling with his earrings. As an afterthought, he also blows out the lamp, leaving the both of them blind.
Things progress from there as it might be expected. Break’s touches are gentle, almost tender, and Liam feels his anger start to bleed away; it doesn’t take long for him to remember that he has virtually no experience with the more intricate parts of this particular activity and his stuttering resumes. Xerxes laughs again and guides him through it, slowly, easily. They learn that Break very much enjoys having his hair played with and Liam loves to be clung to. They learn that Break seems about twenty pounds heavier when he decides he isn’t going to be helpful and that Liam is stronger than he thought he was. Neither of them is accustomed to sharing a bed, and so periodically they doze off only to startle awake again when one rolls onto or into the other, starting the whole process over. Break is delightfully affectionate when he’s mostly asleep. Liam spends a lot of time listening to his friend — his lover — breathe, and figures Break probably knew most of this already, and it was nice of him to let Liam find out for himself. By the time the light is starting to change, Liam is taking the lead.
He's late to work the next morning, something very abnormal for him. He looks so tired that no one minds, and a few even suggest he take the day off. He doesn’t. He has a lot to get done.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Why are you looking at me? I just like to play with them.
Summary: My first fic since I was a wee preteen, many many years ago. I have a tendency to work out relationship timelines in my head when we aren't given the details in canon -- this is an exploration of that. Unbeta'd.
Length: About 2,200 words. Which...I was not expecting when I sat down to write this. Whoopsie.
They aren’t yet lovers when Liam is finally able to leave the Rainsworth household. Liam is still too young, and Break is still too angry, though he’s made rather a lot of progress over the past few years. It’s been ages since the last time they found him staring blankly at nothing, and he doesn’t hesitate before he smiles anymore. He even laughs from time to time, and not just to be sarcastic. Sharon’s presence seems to be doing a lot to steady him. Although he’s lashed out at Liam a few times, Liam is always with him when he’s with the little girl, and he’s never, ever hurt her. If anything, he's probably putting more effort into being gentle with Sharon than he is in being gentle with himself.
Liam still wonders what he was like before they found him in front of the gate, still sees the blood on his face in his dreams sometimes. Safely ensconced in his room at Barma’s mansion once more, Liam finds that he actually misses Xerxes Break, more than he misses Sharon, and that he spends a lot of time wondering how he’s doing. Somehow the biggest loss is knowing that Break will still be making progress, still be getting better, and Liam isn’t going to be there to watch.
These feelings are cut short some months later when he is offered a job at Pandora and runs across Break during the tour. Break has cut his hair and actually looks like he’s almost thirty now; before he’d just looked agelessly lost, like he’d been drifting so long time itself had no idea what to do about him. He’s carrying a canesword that Liam is absolutely sure he knows how to use, and he must have been pursuing employment himself before Liam even left and somehow Liam had no idea. But Break seems honestly pleased to see him, and as time goes on he gets peskier and peskier, and Liam finds that he starts to fret just a bit whenever it’s been a few days since he’s popped out of any nearby cabinets.
They aren’t yet lovers when Rufus Barma reveals Break’s past — in a suitably dramatic way, of course, given that it’s Barma. They’ve messed around once or twice, when Liam was still learning how much wine he could handle, but they’re friends, friends, not lovers; and suddenly Liam is holding this vulnerable, broken friend of his in his arms and this friend has murdered over a hundred people. Trembling, he leaves Break in Oz’s care while he tends to his own wound. He has to keep starting over because his hands are shaking so badly. The feeling of Break pushing him away so he could meet Barma head on is as clear as the memory of being pushed away when he tried to stop a younger Break from scratching at his empty eye socket, and he thinks giddily that it’s no wonder Break was so angry when he appeared, if he was the sort of person who could slaughter so many strangers. He imagines members of Pandora fighting against Break, imagines how many of his acquaintances they would lose in the attempt, imagines himself writing the report on his death.
He returns to the auditorium of the theater feeling confused and helpless and unsure what to think and finds that Break is awake. The other man sees the bandages and for a split second has the nerve to let his concern show on his face. During that second Liam decides that this is something too big to reconcile in one night, and he shoves his coat at Break, who accepts it solemnly.
Liam hovers in the background during the ensuing discussion, because the background is where he’s most comfortable, and he listens, and he thinks, and just before Oz and his company leave Break catches him in passing and says he’ll tell him the rest later on. Because there’s more, of course, there’s always more with Xerxes Break; and that night Liam's fretting is constantly interrupted by the image of Break practically swimming in his coat. Break only ever pouted at Liam for growing so tall once or twice, and it’s been so easy to forget.
They aren’t yet lovers when Break returns from Sabrie slung across Gilbert Nightray’s shoulder.
But they are still friends. If anything they’re closer than they were before. Because in the end, Liam cannot help his affection for the man, regardless of the horrific insanity Break is obviously capable of. He doesn’t like what Break is capable of, and has said as much to him. But Liam isn’t naive enough to believe for an instant that there is no situation in which he himself would kill, and that makes things a bit different, doesn’t it? It keeps him up at night, sometimes, but Xerxes Break remains Xerxes Break.
And Liam worries, while his friend is laying there dead to the world for three days. The more he sees of Break’s worsening health, the more he realizes how much he’s going to miss him when he’s gone, how badly he wants more time, how important it is to him that Break accomplishes whatever it is he’s trying to accomplish even if he never finds out what that is. By the time Break does wake up, Liam is mostly calm, calm enough to hide his suspicions until he’s shuffled Oz and the others out —
“Mister Liam is all grown up now,” says Break.
— and then angry enough to yell at Break for being a moron when he tries to shrug off the help Liam offers, angry that after everything else, Break had still hoped to keep yet another secret from him. Because if there’s anything Liam is good at, it’s being reliable, and it makes him feel better to think of all the ways he can shoulder some of Break’s problems for him. It’s not just something he ought to do. It’s something he wants to do.
That’s assuming Break will let him.
He tries not to show how preoccupied he is with this new load on his plate — it helps when Oz sends him flying face-first into the ground, and when Sharon decides to scold Rufus Barma; gives him a few things to be more obviously flustered over — and quietly seethes for the rest of the day. The comment about being a grown-up particularly rankles. He’s been more or less an adult for the better part of a decade now; does Break think everyone younger than him is a child these days? The more he thinks on it, the more Liam decides that something needs to be done about it, and as soon as he’s finished his work that night, he heads back to Rainsworth.
It doesn’t occur to him until he’s right outside Break’s door that the other man might be asleep. He’s usually not, this time of night, but he’s also not usually resting after a three-day faint. His hesitation gives him time to be nervous, and he squashes the feeling down again, determined not to let Break throw him off his plans before he’s even in the same room. Liam considers knocking, but opts instead to be a just a little bit noisy about opening the door. If Break is awake he’ll hear it, but if not, it shouldn’t disturb him.
As it turns out, Break’s not in his bed at all; he’s out in the middle of the floor, probably already teaching himself not to walk into things he can’t see. His back is to the door, but he’s turned his head over his shoulder to look and is staring in the right direction. His one eye is not quite glaring, but it’s getting there.
“Good, you’re still up,” says Liam, because if nobody knows Break is blind nobody’s going to say “it’s me” when they walk in to disturb him and he may as well get used to it now.
“Back again?” asks Xerxes, relaxing as he recognizes his voice. “How sweet of you to visit the invalid. Twice in one day!”
“You’re not that bad yet,” Liam says scornfully, mostly because he doesn’t want Break to be that bad yet, and he lets the lock on the door clink loudly as he turns it. Break tilts his head curiously at the sound, and listens as Liam approaches. He’s able to look Liam directly in the face when he gets close, but he’s not prepared for Liam’s hand working its way into his hair and holding him in place for a kiss. He makes a small, brief sound of surprise, and Liam’s heart is pounding so hard his bones are starting to ache, because it has occurred to him that there are several ways that this could go completely wrong. But he also knows that Xerxes Break enjoys kisses as much as anyone, and that Break doesn’t mind having him physically close, not at all. Liam may have been drunk enough to be a bit stupid when they did this in the past, but never, ever enough to forget.
It’s a very nice kiss, and calming in its own way, but eventually Liam has to let them both get a bit of air. When he does, he mutters, “Grown-up indeed.”
“Is that what this is about?” Break asks, letting out a short laugh. “One little comment? Not that I mind, but —”
Liam pulls him close before he can shrug his actions off again, and he remembers holding him in the theater, the way Break looked wrapped up in his coat. He lets his cheek rest against Break’s hair and says, “This is because I want you trust me.” He’s not strong enough to pick Break up and toss him onto the bed, but he is strong enough to start pushing him in that direction. “I want you to let me help you. I want you to accept that you don’t have to deal with this alone.”
Break gives a pained smile, twining his arms around Liam’s neck as he’s shuffled across the room; he knows exactly where they’re heading. “You people keep saying these sorts of things. I don’t need you all to fuss over me so.”
“Xerxes.”
“I can handle it, Liam.”
“Stop it. Stop pushing us away. Nobody ever said you couldn’t handle it, that’s not the point.”
They’re at the bed. Liam’s getting frustrated already and his first impulse is to shove Break down, but instead he tips him back, gently, supporting his back with his hands until he’s safely settled. Break finds this amusing, apparently, because he chuckles to himself as Liam climbs on top of him, and reaches up to run his fingers over Liam's face.
“What’s so funny?” Liam wants to know, letting the other man explore him.
“You,” says Break. He tugs playfully at an earring when he runs across it. “I didn’t know Mister Liam was interested in this kind of thing, let alone with me. But I suppose he must; he’s human enough —”
“Are you listening at all?”
“I hear you,” Break says, his hands stilling at Liam’s collar. He’s frowning thoughtfully. The lone eye narrows.
“Do you not want me here?” asks Liam, pulling away. Immediately Break reaches up and yanks him back down for more kisses, thoroughly ridding the both of them of that notion; Liam pauses to put his glasses on the nightstand while Break returns to fiddling with his earrings. As an afterthought, he also blows out the lamp, leaving the both of them blind.
Things progress from there as it might be expected. Break’s touches are gentle, almost tender, and Liam feels his anger start to bleed away; it doesn’t take long for him to remember that he has virtually no experience with the more intricate parts of this particular activity and his stuttering resumes. Xerxes laughs again and guides him through it, slowly, easily. They learn that Break very much enjoys having his hair played with and Liam loves to be clung to. They learn that Break seems about twenty pounds heavier when he decides he isn’t going to be helpful and that Liam is stronger than he thought he was. Neither of them is accustomed to sharing a bed, and so periodically they doze off only to startle awake again when one rolls onto or into the other, starting the whole process over. Break is delightfully affectionate when he’s mostly asleep. Liam spends a lot of time listening to his friend — his lover — breathe, and figures Break probably knew most of this already, and it was nice of him to let Liam find out for himself. By the time the light is starting to change, Liam is taking the lead.
He's late to work the next morning, something very abnormal for him. He looks so tired that no one minds, and a few even suggest he take the day off. He doesn’t. He has a lot to get done.